i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
