Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
