I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
