No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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