Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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