I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
