just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
