Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
