I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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