Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
