You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
