I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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