oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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