I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
