I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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