You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
