i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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