i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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