Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You ruined the universe
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
