Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
