She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize