Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize