Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
