he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
