i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
