I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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