I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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