So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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