I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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