I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
