Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
