i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
