there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
