He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
