Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
