I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize