Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
