I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
