My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
