Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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