I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
