You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
