is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
