I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even my farts smell like vagina
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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