Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we made out on top of his cat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
