just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
