The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
