I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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