I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize