He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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