oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
