Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
