Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone shattered a urinal.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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