I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
