Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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