I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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