In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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