can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't shave. On purpose
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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