just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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