She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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