i don't like sucking hair
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
