Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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