She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
