Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
