if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
