I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
