return my video game
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
