So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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