i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
