exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
