It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
