I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
