Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
