her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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