its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
