booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
