dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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