I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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