Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
